No longer MIA...

Hello blogging world. I've missed you.
Some significant things have happened since I blogged last. I've thought about writing about them many times but the thought of actually doing it was too overwhelming. Sad I know. :)
So I'm finally making myself sit down and fill in the gap of the past few months.

Many of you know that Gus and I have been unsuccessful in our attempts to have a second child. We've been trying for about 2 years now and we've had 3 pregnancies since being in Colorado, but no baby.

In May we were excited to find out that I was pregnant. We both felt really good about this one.
I called my doc immediately and they had me go in for blood tests to see if my hormones were rising properly. The nurse called to say they were looking great and by all accounts I was feeling quite pregnant.

A week or so later some things happened that alarmed me and I was off to the doc. We did an ultrasound hoping to find out a little about what was going on.
It was still pretty early to tell but what we could see was something that looked like and ectopic pregnancy.
All we could do was have more blood tests done and wait a few days.
My doc called back a couple days later to tell me that my blood levels were rising but not to where they needed to be. So he asked me to come in and they would give me the shot that dissolves the pregnancy. He was very adamant that he wanted to be sure that the pregnancy was an ectopic one before he gave me the shot so we did another ultrasound and using the higher tech machines of the perinatologist we were able to find a sac in the uterus where it was supposed to be.
It was really touching that my doctor was as elated as I was to have some hope. And for the first time since the wondering began I felt like crying.
He told me "we're back in the game". :) I was really so grateful for him doing all he could to make sure before he gave me that shot.
He did want to let me know that we weren't in the clear yet but we did know for sure that it wasn't an ectopic pregnancy. YAY. Those can be so damaging.
So we'd watch my blood levels and do some more ultrasounds.
I was concerned about a couple things, however, the thing that had initially alarmed me in the first place was still going on and my pregnancy symptoms had decreased.
After doing more blood tests we finally came to the realization that my pregnancy was not going to continue. So my doc told me that the best thing to do would be to let it go on its own. This would be miscarriage #5.

Sounds a bit like a roller coaster ride huh.

Gus was going to be out of town for work the following week and my insightful sister thought it would be a good idea if I came and spent the week with her. So she hooked me and Gracie up with some buddy passes and flew us to AZ.
Shortly after, the whole miscarriage process started and it was really such a blessing to be there. I don't know how I would have been able to take care of myself and Gracie alone and my big sis took care of us both. I got a wonderful blessing while I was there and my sister gave me her appointment with her Massage Therapist. I was really pampered.
Let me repeat it was a huge blessing to be able to be there.


It was so good to see Gus again when we got home. The following Saturday some of my Beehives and some of the other Young Women leaders from church came and cleaned my house.
I was initially H.O.R.R.I.F.I.E.D.!!!
But after not feeling well for a while it was desperately needed and it felt so good to have it clean. I was able to get over my pride and I just felt soooo grateful to have such great friends and people in my life. I don't think I realized how much I needed the help until it was done. So thank you ladies, you have no idea how much that helped me emotionally, not just physically.
I really feel like that was a huge turn around point for me.

So now it is almost August and I'm starting to feel like myself again, however, as many can attest, I am still missing a severe amount of brain cells. I truly hope they will return. ;)

I do want to share some if the things I've learned from this miscarriage.

Even though this was the hardest one for us, I still feel positive about it. That initial good feeling we had about the pregnancy hasn't left and I know that Heavenly Father has a purpose. Something good will come of this, whatever that may be.

It's great to try to be tough and do things for yourself, but it is great to accept help, and I often don't realize how much I needed it until the help has been given.

We have wonderful friends and family. We are soooo blessed.

Let me state again, I know Heavenly Father has a purpose for all of this. I don't fully understand what it is at the moment and maybe I will never fully understand, but I trust Him explicitly.